About dream-thoughts and death

A dreamless sleep works perfectly fine with me. A dreamless wakeful state is a perfect bliss! A life devoted to living in the present moment is about being present to each and every breath

Yet, here I am!

After years of “trying to live in the present moment” mania , getting caught in the abyss of the dream-thoughts once again…

A fine wintry morning with the Sun blazing overhead is why India is a curious place to be in.

Winter-morning-Sukhna-lake

But this winter morning isn’t about the Sun or the sunny things.

It is about long-lost human-treasures.

We all lose people at some point of time – to death, to circumstances, to destiny !

But the ones torn apart untimely , sometimes even timely, by death, are hard to let go of. And when you think you’ve forgotten, a confusing dream keeps you sleep-sobbing & wide-awake.

Such dreams allow you to meet the soul-treasure once again, to feel them alive again, to feel that gush of warm-secure blanket of love once more!

The moment feels more real than the day to day life, where we think we are awake!

And once you are awake, a warm awareness engulfs you, – those grandfathers, brothers, uncles are far far away, yet nearer than we’ll ever know.

The bond that is LOVE can’t be broken… The thin thread that gravitates one towards the loved ones can’t be seen or felt…

Just like space – an empty vacuum that envelopes us, whether we can prove it or not… Its absence is an illusion! It’s presence, a fact we miss out, while we get caught in the dreamy haze of thoughts.

Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.

Bereaved Grief: Suicide, a personal moment

We all have our share of moments when we grieve; for the loss of a loved one, for the loss of a dream, or the loss of an identity.

But to be able to pull that final trigger, to bid that final goodbye, to not to hold on to that last shred of hope, is a momentous moment, tragic in its essence, yet final in its completion. 

For what looks like a sudden tragic last-minute whim is but a grand finale of a series of small death-like moments – moments that can make or break us!

In a world full of people, more people, social media connectivity, self-obsessed selfies and check-ins, it is hard to believe that a person can be alienated enough to let go.

But then,

Suicide, is such a personal moment, that any commentary from the outside, is like an arrow drawn from a set of broken fingers. 

Yet,  we humans, the mystical over-thinking beings, are the ones who’re drawn towards it & commit it every day.

Sometimes I think about Kurt, why he pulled that final trigger (if he did at all) ? What was the last thought that shook him to embrace that final annihilation ? Was there not a shred of love/hope left for him to hold on to? With the kind of creative genius he was, did even his art fail to speak to him in the end?

Am I, as a fan, scared to death when I witness his story because somehow the jigsaw puzzles of his life fit into mine ?

To me, a man’s last moment can be surmised in the lines Kurt sang so brilliantly, and with  a bland expression in Nirvana’s The Man Who Sold The World –

” I spoke into his eyes, I thought you died alone, a long long time ago…”

An eccentric genius & a rare charmer that he was, I hope he witnessed the ever-pervasive peace which can only be found in the stillness of death.

“If you die you’re completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I’m not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I’ve got.” – Kurt Cobain

Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.