A Schizophrenic Writer

There are schizophrenic dual-selves in each one of us – a self which is an artist’s vision of ‘who one can be sans society’.

Perhaps, an identity that’s doesn’t try to conform, to fit in, or compromise.

There’s that secret fantastical-self for each one of us who revels in absolute freedom, interacts to the point, & is dramatically confident like a ‘super-hero’.

A writer, they say, is unfortunately caught up in countless such selves –
a secular-liberal at heart who disdains the idea of lack of ‘freedom of speech’, but is forced to choose silence; a sarcastic asshole who is hidden behind the veil of a chirpy exterior; an anxious over thinker who is super-confident & alive when alone on the road to wanderlust.

Traveling for me thus works as a breather from these countless selfves, bringing me a little closer to ‘who I was born to be’, hidden beneath perfectly conditioned layers of societal falsehoods.

Parvati River Kasol
Parvati River Valley, India

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Adios – My spirit animal!

Sometimes, a small life matters to the whole universe. And sometimes, even a grand existence goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

For me, a dog’s life has always been that ‘small life’ that mattered & aroused a holy curiosity. I have sought pups since I can remember.

Maybe it was one of those things that is related to a past-life connection.

My bond with a dog grows naturally. However, the ability to form such a bond with a human remains elusive.

For, there’s something about a pup that resonates deep in the chambers of my heart – an undying sense of humor, displayed through naughty-kind eyes; a sense of joyful saunter in its walk; absolute trust, so unnatural in a human being; and that protectiveness with which it guards you like a lion. 🙂

I am especially amused by the ‘first bark’ that comes out of a pup’s being – a bark which sounds funny to our ears, but, feels like a roar to the lil amused furbaby, if you notice its angry-cute expressions. 🙂

Today, I lost one of the puppies that belonged to a litter of 8 wonder-street puppies that came into our lives a few months ago. A lot of times people call it a rescue case, but, I’m the one these wonder-pups rescued with their unconditional love & unfettered freedom.

This is a ‘thank you note’ to ‘Blacksome’, a homely, handsome boy who went missing in the bushes just today, probably taken by a predator (though I hope he somehow comes back). You’re not only a ‘good boy’ who stayed home, but you’re also in fact a ‘great boy’ whose naughty antics made me laugh unconditionally.

May you be my ‘spirit animal’ in the lives to come. :)))

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Rape – a word we would rather not speak of!

The-Scream-Painting

Rape. A word that sends shivers down the spine every time I hear it.

Not that any other form of violence is any less traumatic!

But there’s something in a woman’s system that creates an ‘angry void’ when she hears the word ‘rape’.

For a woman, the unsettling reaction to rape isn’t a reaction to the actual act of rape.

It’s a long ‘suppressed reaction’ to something that runs deeper.

It almost feels like a hollow scream from the crevices of her soul. Something that’s painfully present in her journey from being a child to a woman.

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The Scream by Edvard Munch

When she’s just a toddler, she’s just a young child jumping around in her pretty pink frock.

Slowly, the innocent, doe-eyed child observes that the men in her life – neighbours, cousins, friends – don’t necessarily look at her soul or consciousness or mind, when they look at her.

Rather, she’s being ‘looked at’ for the way her body is becoming.

Gradually, the girl starts to get accustomed to being stared at, leered at, touched, without her consent or interest or even understanding of why it’s all happening in the first place.

Sadly, the final act of being born as a ‘woman’ doesn’t happen when she becomes a financially independent individual in her late 20s.

It’s that fleeting moment during those ‘mmature teens’ when she finally accepts the fact that’s this is how it’s always been, and this is how it always will be – not an easy transition into the complexities of womanhood, if you ask me! 🙂

For Asifa, and many toddlers & children like her, perhaps everything got lost at the initial stage of being a young child. May Asifa and likes of her rest in peace and be re-born, if at all, as a boy!

Mountain of Fortitude

Ugly lies.

Vacant promises.

Torn-up relationships.

Life’s a confusing mess of lies!

It’s like a magician’s maze, just when you think you’ve found the true way out, another ugly path opens up. And you’re back to where you started – no where!

But a mountain brings back sanity to your life. 

Kasol, Himachal Pradesh

It’s like meditation, when you’re on top of one – breathe in the fresh life-air, and breathe out the stifled – bad air.

There’s something about mountains that sticks with me. If it’s not the sheer size, it’s the resilience that oozes out of its pores.

A mountain, when you climb one, whispers to you like a living-breathing being. 

In its own mysterious manner, it narrates that age-old story of bravery, of always holding one’s head high, even when the cobwebs of life-circumstance try to pull you down.

A mountain to me is coolest example of eternal timelessness.

Just when you think that you’re just climbing one physically, the internal struggle-climb takes you towards a higher state of mind – where the constant wheel of thoughts takes rest, and the creative life-force pervades.

Bir Billing, Himachal Pradesh

Climb one, and sit in silence.

Shout at it if you want to!

Listen in deep meditative silence to what it echoes back.

It’ll gently whisper the secret mystery of what life is made of – fortitude , resilience & unperturbed individuality under all conditions!

Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.

My calling !

A lot remains to be said. Yet, there’s no time! No time at all to tend to the tender heart. We create a life cycle around what doesn’t matter, what won’t last long, what won’t enrich the heart.

Layer on layer, and the heart becomes a hardened cocoon.

Life becomes a living lie ! We lie every waking second of every single minute… lie on what it means to feel happy.. what it means to feel whole with ourselves and, and with existence.. not-so-innocent lies on the perfect wives and the perfect families…

The fragile heart, the ever so bold heart that smiles inwardly, is the first casualty of the concooned existence.

But it knows the truth, that it sometimes gently whispers into your ears, slowly and cautiously. And it’s blunt and casual in its judgement – you’re not happy, you’re not whole, your being is but a sad vibration of accumulated lies – from parents, loved ones, and the society.

But you go on, holding on to those lies that you now believe to be your reality.

One fine day, when the clouds are sombre, and the mood is melancholic, the quiet heart plays a note of love, of memory, of stillness, of the age gone by, when you were free. And you REMEMBER!

The remembrance strikes a hammer into the hardened cocoon, and creates a small crevice… Small enough to let fresh air in..

The innocent heart catches a beat of respite again & plays that LOVE SONG again, the one we forgot while “growing up”. The delight is same, the excitement is same.

Wrinkles on the face may hide the delight. The light in the eyes shows so.

So, whenever that moment catches on to you, it’s your “calling”. In that moment, run away from anything that binds you from that ancient call. Run away from everything that bound you in the name of duty or convention or even love.

For there’s no age to be perfectly free, and happily joyous!

No age to release the soul-butterfly out of its caged cocoon!

Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.

The Osho Experience: In the Foothills of The Himalayas

A whirling dervish… Ecstatic music… A state of no dimension !

I never thought I’ll ever witness a whirling Dervish  for real. Let alone, whirl myself!

Least of all, didn’t expect it to happen in Osho’s meditation center.

But wonderful things happen, especially, when you least expect them!

On the last day of a 4-day camp at Osho Nisarga center, the instructor, Pragya Ma, introduced us to the techniques of “No Dimension” meditation.

“Using the breath and a series of coordinated body movements followed by whirling, your energy becomes centered in the hara, the “life energy” center below the navel. From there you can watch the mind and experience awareness and wholeness – the body moving in all directions, the center unmoving.” – osho.com

Not only could I whirl without feeling dizzy, I felt a new connection with the universal energy; a connection which was always there in the first place!

It felt like a “spring of awareness” has blossomed in my heart, pushing away the dark wintry clouds of “chain of thoughts”.

Tears of gratitude flowed from my eyes, realising, for the first time, that the only hinderance between me and the universal energy is the entity “me”. Once “me” leaves the place, only God resides, even if, momentarily. 🙂 

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A moment of unbridled laughter near Osho Nisarga, Dharmshala

Osho Nisarga Meditation Center, Dharamshala, India

Located in foothills of The Himalayan range, Himachal Pradesh, Osho Nisarga is a lush green meditation commune. Vibrant flowers, gentle murmur of the river water, and the enchanting view of Dhauladhar mountain range, Osho Nisarga’s vibes surely takes the meditation experience to another dimension!

Dhauladhar Range Dharamshala
The Dhauladhar Range as viewed from the Osho Nisarga Center, Dharamshala

“The whole existence is a temple.
The trees are continuously in worship,
The clouds are in prayer, and
The mountains are in meditation… ” 

– Osho

Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.

Rumi: Then I Left Everyone, Myself As Well!

“Doing as others told me, I was blind.
Coming when others called me, I was lost.
Then I left everyone, myself as well…
Then I found everyone, myself as well.”

~ Rumi

 

Osho Meditation Center Dharamshala
A moment of unbridled laughter near Osho Nisarga Meditation Center, Dharamshala, India

Vipassana: The Essence of all Meditations

Vipassana is an ancient meditation,  re-discovered, & preached  by Gautama, the Buddha in 2550 B.C.E.  A connoisseur of peace, Buddha transcended the realm of mind,  and attained “nirvana” or “enlightenment”.

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“Vipassana is the essence of all meditations” – Osho.

A curious agnostic, I believe something when I see it from my eyes, feel it in the depths of my soul, figure it out through rational mind. So, I took Vipassana course as a scientific experiment on myself, a challenge to conquer, a test of my extremes.

That’s when I landed in Jaipur!

 Dhamma Thali Vipassana Meditation Center Jaipur, Rajasthan, India

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Located at a distance of 15 Kms from Jaipur airport, the Dhamma Thali Vipassana Meditation Center is easy to reach from station and airport.  A 10-day residential course, a group of dedicated volunteers, veg wholesome meals, the simplicity of 10 days routine is a window to simplicity of the technique.

What is Vipassana? Is it for me?

The word “Vipassana” means to “see things as they are, not as they appear to be” or “to see clearly” in Pali language. I’ve been lucky enough to attend the course thrice. A lot of people ask me if it is for them. Well, put simply, there’re three things that you need to consider if you want to go ahead.

  • An open-scientific mind that is ready to explore a new idea:

My rational mind never agrees with traditions or conventions.. The technique doesn’t require you to do so… The high-point of Vipassana? Equanimous observation of reality, as it is. No visualization or verbalization. No chants, no mantra, and no dress code…No mention of God, soul, or religion…  An open mind is all you need.

Fear not, no one is going to “convert” you ! It ain’t a religion! 🙂

  • Intense curiosity & a sense of respect for meditation and spirituality:

A curiosity for spirituality, life, & mind is how I landed there. So, can you! Don’t go if you want to convert it into another social media debate between your beliefs & Buddhism. It isn’t about Buddhism. It is a technique that came back to India through Mr. S.N. Goenka in 1969, after it vanished from India, few centuries after its re-discovery by Gautama, the Buddha. 

  • Adherence to the strict “The Code of Discipline” :

The toughest, yet, most challenging part is adherence to “The Code of Discipline”. A 10-day routine, noble silence, abstinence from liquor, sexual conduct, purely vegetarian meals, starting the day with a wake up bell at 4:15 AM, can get a little intimidating. But the code of discipline is important. It is a part of the whole process

The technique of Vipassana:

Noble Silence: 10 days “moun”: Silence of speech, mind, and body.

A technical summary: Technically, Vipassana is simple. Observe the breath (Anapana)… Become aware of wandering thoughts… Focus back on breath… Slowly, the focus is shifted onto body parts…Equanimous observation of sensations that erupt in each body part… 

The technique becomes challenging when one has to do it more than 10 hours a day, for 10 days, with a light stomach, and a smile on the face. 🙂

The physical discomfort due to posture or continuous sitting is where the path of Vipassana begins! So, if you go, persist till the end, and give it your best shot.

To me personally, a course in Vipassana is a soulful inner journey: 

The first three days are tricky… As thoughts engulf the consciousness… By the fourth day, the burden we call “thoughts”,  begin to shed their weight… Mind is conditioned to be reactive… A student of Vipassana slowly learns to observe, rather than react to action happening outside and inside.  It is almost like the law of Physics: every action has an equal and opposite reaction… No reaction breaks the cycle of thoughts! 

Vipassana is just a blissful journey towards attaining “Bodhi”, or “awakening”. 

If I may say so, Vipassana to me is a  “fresh awakening”, a “rebirth”, a “renaissance of mind”!!!

A click to remember on the last day of Vipassana course!

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Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.

 

Goa 2: The Untameable Mobor beach

I can’t help it. The word “Mobor”  reminds me of a brilliant scene from the super – addictive “The Game of Thrones”: “Hodor, Hodor, Hodor”. An irrelevant trivia I know! 😛

hodor the game of thrones

The day we finally left Palolem, only to return back in 2 days:

It was our fifth day at Palolem beach, South Goa. The idea of the Goan adventure was to explore all the places in 11 days long vacation. But we grew too comfortable & totally cheated on our itinerary.

The idea to explore was lying in deep slumber…Like the beach itself…

There’s something about the stillness of the beach which captivates human mind. A sense of stillness of thoughts… A sense of calmness… A sense of awe for the grandeur of mother nature… This feeling takes over the senses, and the compulsive need to see it all on a trip loses its significance… 

Palolem Beach Canacona South Goa

But we did it! Next leg of the journey towards the North Goa:

Sense prevailed. We finally came out of the reverie, hired a car for the next day (Rs. 1200). And embarked on the north Goa adventure. On-route, we took a de-tour towards a high-end, not-so-crowded beach, the Mobor, Cavelossim beach. I’m glad we did it!

Mobor, Cavelossim is a high-end beach, offers private beaches & adventure sports:

Mobor, Cavelossim, a 30 Km long Southern Goa beach strip, is a high-end beach, shared between luxurious hotels and resorts, Leela Palace Hotel and Holiday Inn Resort. For someone who’s on a luxurious trip, Mobor beach is the place to book. Do it now!

Mobor Beach South Goa

The clear waters, soft golden sand, and  silence brings a sense of calm, complemented with a sense of high for the adventure sports: water skiing, windsurfing, sailing, parasailing, jet skiing, boating, and so on.

A tryst with swimming at Mobor!

I live in Punjab, North India – a region far away from oceans and shores. One can imagine the sense of pride I felt when I thought I could swim against the waves, just like any other local Goan or a foreigner.

Only, I couldn’t do it! The ocean fiercely intimidates. It is untameable. It is wild. So, it arouses curiosity. It dares you, with a wicked smirk on its face. The ocean knows it – deep down, you’re a coward. Especially, when you come face to face with your biggest fear: drowning.

If Palolem is gentle beach, owing to its crescent shape and unique location, Mobor is a monster. The waves are huge during the high tide ! But my natural curiosity pushed me to risk a plunge into the waves.

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Luckily, a local restaurant owner and an experienced local swimmer saw my dilemma, and offered help. He, along with a drunk-merry Russian couple, showed me how to swim against the waves.

Mobor Beach South Goa
A friendly Egret eating fish from my hand!

Slowly, he taught the technique of jumping into the crest of the wave, and then ride on the wave’s momentum. It was awesome! I felt invincible! And the very next wave caught me off-guard. Due to bad timing, it hit me hard & I was left dumbfounded, gasping for air on the white sandy shore. 😛

Mobor Cavelossim

The high point of the beach is less crowd. In India, it means less garbage too! As mojor part of the beach is shared by the luxurious hotels, the beach is not crowded by casual tourists. A memorable day of Goa trip, The untameable Mobor, Cavelossim, is a tale to remember!

Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Khalil Gibran: A poet par excellence

It was a usual day in the library. For the first time in life, I finally knew what I yearned for: knowledge & a place where there’s plenty of it: university’s library.

A.C. Joshi Library, located in the Panjab university, is not for the casual students. It is a “respite for soul” place for the curious ones. The ones who want to know it all. The ones with insatiable hunger for more!

Though I was a post-graduate student at that time, the name “Khalil Gibran” (or Kahlil Gibran) didn’t ring any bells. But the word “Lebanese” poet aroused some curiosity, and that’s how I opened the first page.

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And then I couldn’t put it down for a moment – read it while eating, in the class, in the hostel common room, almost everywhere. There it was, one of the most enchantingly romantic works one could read, “The Broken Wings: Khalil Gibran“.

A take on spiritual love, with its purity intact, The Broken Wings is like an intense lyric, the depths of which are unfathomable to a mortal being. Here’s an excerpt from the text:

“Every young man remembers his first love and tries to recapture that strange hour, the memory of which changes his deepest feeling and makes him so happy in spite of all the bitterness of its mystery…

Today, after many years have passed, I’ve nothing left out of that beautiful dream except painful memories flapping like invisible wings around me, filling the depths of my heart with sorrow, and bringing tears to my eyes; and my beloved, beautiful Selma, is dead and nothing is left to commemorate her except my broken heart and tomb surrounded by cypress trees. That tomb and this heart are all that is left to bear witness of Selma.

The silence that guards the tomb does not reveal God’s secret in the obscurity of the coffin, and the rustling of the branches whose roots suck the body’s elements do not tell the mysteries of the grave, by the agonized sighs of my heart announce to the living the drama which love, beauty, and death have performed. “

The tragedy of love is beautifully captured in the masterpiece. But love’s not the only facet of Gibran’s work. Another classic, “The Prophet”, discusses practical answers to spiritual & philosophical aspects of daily life. Matters of marriage, death, talking, children, giving, etc. are touched upon with soft-soothing words, showing his creative genius in the poetic form.

Here’s an excerpt from “On Talking” by Khalil Gibran:

On Talking

“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;
And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips,
And sound is a diversion and a pastime.
And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.
For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly…

There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone.
The silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape… “

Copyright © [Meru]. All rights reserved.